From Gregory Hays interpretation of “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius.
Book 8, quote 56 – “Other people’s wills are as independent of mine as their breath and bodies. We may exist for the sake of one another, but our will rules its own domain. Otherwise the harm they do would cause me harm to me. Which is not what God intended – for my happiness to rest with someone else.”
To me, this quote makes me think how often I made decisions to make someone else happy, not me. I think if I want to make someone else happy then I should feel a sense of happiness.
We do it for loved ones, but that gives us a sense of satisfaction.
But how often do we do it for work or because someone told us to? Someone we don’t care for; we just want to appease them so they leave us alone? I have done this too often in my life.
I used to think the more people I would help that it would come back to me in a good way. Experience tells a different story. Many people you help take it and go away. When you need help, they rarely reciprocate. Why should they?
Then I realized that I didn’t do it to help them, but so I could ask them for a favor down the road. I was wrong to think that way. Honestly, I don’t know if they sensed that, but I have been a martyr for too long. I know now that if I help someone, I have to do it and not expect anything in return.
I have done a lot of free work in this manner too, only to have people take advantage and squeeze more out of me. not paying anything. Again, live and learn.
I realize now that it’s a delicate balance. I am learning to be selfish, so late in life. Although, many of my family members thought I was already selfish. Why? I would put work first to get ahead only to be steamrolled again and again. I am a slow learner, always thinking there would be a big payoff in the end.
Now I know, companies care about themselves. They will cut their workers in a heartbeat to survive. I get it. Costs kill, profits thrive. I now know we have to do more on our own and be self-reliant.
don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of people that worked at one place for decades and got the pension or retirement they richly deserved. That does happen a lot. They have a solid retirement with few worries, other than health concerns.
To not be worried about money really helps, but health issues can quickly change that. So, we have to find balance between health, work, and love. Throughout our lives, at least in mine, work came first way too often only to let me down in the end. Again and again.
I know this may sound a bit depressing, but trust me, I am optimistic that life can always get better. After all, I have my health and family around me. Life is good.
So be happy that you’re alive and let that be your special source of happiness, just for you. Share it if you want to, but don’t expect others to find your joy.