Did you ever think about what you would change in your life. I mean really think about it. At the time you think it’s a good idea only to look back and realize what a fool you were.

Forget about the loves or lusts of your life. That is something you are blinded by at the moment.

I mean in your career or choice of friends. 

Let’s start with work.

In your career you may have gambled on a startup only to see it fail with no gain for you. You can say it was a great experience, but in the end, it failed.

Maybe you took a job hoping for didn’t pan out. The work sucks or you didn’t get to do what you had hoped. The person that hired you, maybe even the owner promised you it would go one way or you could do something you always wanted to do. Then, once on board, you realize it’s no better than the place you left. In fact, it could be worse, more work for less upside. All too common in telecom and tech.

I think we all think things are better on the other side. However, when we get there, it’s all new bullshit. Things don’t pan out in the short term, sometimes we have to build up the workplace around us to get where we want to be. Then maybe we can make real change. Unfortunately that takes time, hard work, and persistence. 

I have spent years at a job getting the work done and the department built only to see the owners either keep me in that position or let me go thinking things will move ahead as normal.

FYI – the place that let me go once I built the department up and brought in talent, could not manage it nor maintain it. They thought they could manage it with little effort. They failed. While you would think I would feel some satisfaction and say “I told you so”, the reality is I felt bad for the people there. You see, I moved on. I didn’t look back after the painful sting left my mind. I cared about the people, but there was nothing I could do. They failed, and that’s not on me because I set them up to win. People get stupid and greedy, it happens. I can’t be held accountable for their mistakes.

I have also taken jobs where management wants to keep me where I am. Sometimes that is OK, but in this case I expected more. Again, after years I left. They pivoted and did well. They didn’t need me after all because they changed their business model and strategy. Good for them, they found a better way. Does this bother me? No, I learned from it. I should have been more open to new models. That one was on me.

What about Friends?

Did you ever make a friend only to realize later they were a huge drain on you and your life. I did this so many times. The thing is you don’t know until a few things happen. 

First, they could screw you over royally, like borrowing money and never pay you back or hit on your wife or girlfriend behind your back. These things are obvious and you know to move on right away.

What about those friends that just drain you of your time and energy. Maybe money too but in small amounts. I had so many friends that were always asking favors or pulling me into their drama. It just takes a toll on you if you have a hard time saying no.  I used to always want to help. I thought I was paying it forward, but the reality is I was a sucker and being used. I feel stupid looking back.

We all want to help our friends, but some people take advantage of you. They may say they care, but in the end you realize they just want to share their misery.

I have enough pain on my own, thank you very much. I don’t need your misery too.

I often wonder how many friends I was a drain on. I look back and think that I made that mistake as well. Maybe I let a lot of people down but didn’t see it that way at the time. I wonder.

When do we learn?

For me, I hit 50 and realized I just don’t have time for bullshit anymore. I pretty much know what I want now. Sure, I still fall for scams, and people who say they want to help. But I am better at sifting through all the croup people dish out to me. 

Am I always right? Of course not, but now I can cut and run much faster with little or no guilt. I just don’t care about much outside of my family anymore. 

What do you care about? What are your priorities? Did you ever really think about them?

I am asking because I wish someone would have asked me, from the heart when I was younger. I didn’t have that in my life. I wish I did. 

Again, think about what you really want. Then build on that and live around your virtues, not other people’s virtues. 

If you went back, do you really think you would have the foresight to do it right next time? I don’t know if I would.