I heard this statement in a meeting the other day and I had to share it. Larger corporations are funny in how they run.

Remember Dilbert, the cartoon created by the great Scott Adams? His whole thing was based on his time working for a CSP, Pacific Bell. He knew the cubicle mentality which most Americans are hoping to move away from. That’s one reason WFH is taking off. If you were stuck in a cubicle all day, it would be nice to have somewhere else to work.

Luckily for Mr Adams, Dilber was a hit. Looking from the outside in, it seemed to set him free.

Here is some background. I was in a meeting about the progress of rolling out a new process. One thing you learn about big companies, they have no shortages of new processes. We have tons that do little and they’re meant to replace people and teams, but instead breed new teams required to support the tool. They rarely perform as expected.

So let me give you the contect. In the meeting, they’re reviewing a new process which they have been working on for 2 years. That’s right, 2 years of overhead and it’s still not done. Can you imagine? This is a tool to replace 4 other tools.

Guess what, this tool is another process we have to use in addition to the other 4 tools which we’re still using because none of these tools can talk to each other. Very efficient unless you’re the one creating 10 spreadsheets to feed 4 tools then taking the output of each tool and modifying it or manually feeding the next tool.

To me it is unbelievable how the corporate and financial worlds still run on spreadsheets. Crazy to me.

However, when one of the lead project managers, (PMs), were explaining why it wasn’t working, she said, and I quote, “Not designed as expected”, and then quickly moved on.

WTF does that mean? I was so taken back, I wanted to speak up but I was muted. I was asking my colleagues what that meant and everyone else just glossed over it.

Can you imagine if you’re working on a project or trying to repair something and you said, “not designed as expected” and just moved on? The idea is to make it work, modify it to work as expected.

Think about these tools. The company has to pay licensing fees, outside support, and internal teams to support. The company’s plan is to eliminate people and departments, probably me because I live in the US, and use the tool instead supported by an offshore team that makes less money with less experience.

Let me tell you how it worked out.

They created the tool, but didn’t replace any old tools, yet.
They have remote staff to support and to do the work, but still need my group. Why? To create the base proposals, put together designs, cost properly, build price and comparison models, and to make sure that each part of the process is fed with the proper information which means each team relies on me to ensure accuracy.
The tools have to be used because there is a process tool, (that’s right, another tool), that needs to have a box checked before the solution, offer, and quote can be created.
Then, to process the customer’s invoice, another tool has to have a new spreadsheet created which I used to do myself but now we need 2 remote teams and another local team to complete it so that the invoicing tool can accept payment.
I know I didn’t get into each one, but let’s say 6 tools which forces us to create 12 spreadsheets each independent of each other.
And they all rely on me to make sure each beast is few with the proper information.

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I am not invaluable, but someone on my team is required to do this, whether it’s me or someone else. I am only a number to management and they will get along fine with #609876. (It’s best to give them a number because I would bet no one knows my name nor anyone on my team.)

To be clear, I used to do all of the above functions, more or less, myself. I collaborated with sales, SMEs, PMs, and the delivery team, (like I do today), to make sure we have all the data we need to quote and deliver cost-effectively with the required margins.

Today we have more tools, teams, and boxes to check.

If it sounds like I am blowing off steam, I am. I am pointing out how companies, and people, create processes without realizing how much more work or money it takes when they could have found a simpler way to do it.

I am guilty of this by capturing too much data before writing a commentary piece.
When I do the taxes I gather a ton of information when Turbotax will do it for me.
When I plan a trip I outline all the things we could do when the idea was to relax.
I often overthink and overplan even though my wife thinks I don’t do enough in that department.

So, that’s why I started off loading more and more. My wife likes to plan and schedule things, she’s usually pretty good at it so I let her do it.

At work, if someone says they will perform a task, I trust them until they’re late or drop the ball. I forgive pretty quickly because I have missed things or dropped the ball in the past.

Thanks for reading, but I think there is a lesson here. Unless you truly think you can make something better, maybe it’s best to leave it alone.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try new things or tools, quite the opposite. We all want to be better and find ways to improve. But if something is not working or you don’t enjoy it, maybe it’s time to go back or move on.

Your time and money are very important, choose wisely. Test repeatedly, but don’t be afraid to go back or move on.

What would AI say?

I thought it would be fun to have my AI tool rewrite my article, and here it is. All three wonderful sections, not too shabby!

The Curious Case of Corporate Tool Proliferation

Remember Dilbert, that iconic cartoon strip created by the brilliant Scott Adams? His satirical take on office life resonated with millions. But did you know that Dilbert’s roots were firmly planted in the cubicle culture of a certain telecommunications giant? Yes, I’m talking about Pacific Bell, where Adams once toiled away.

Ah, the days of yore—the era when I waltzed with spreadsheets, tangoed with data, and foxtrotted through cost analyses. Collaborating with sales, SMEs, PMs, and the delivery team, I ensured our proposals were sharp, our designs impeccable, and our margins just right. It was a solo act, a one-person orchestra playing the corporate symphony.

The Cubicle Conundrum

Picture this: rows upon rows of identical cubicles, each housing an employee diligently typing away. The fluorescent lights hum, and the air smells faintly of recycled coffee. It’s the quintessential corporate scene—one that most Americans dream of escaping. And escape they did, thanks to the rise of remote work (a.k.a. WFH).

If you’ve ever been stuck in a cubicle all day, you’ll understand the allure of working from anywhere else—a cozy coffee shop, a sun-drenched patio, or even a hammock on a tropical island. WFH became a lifeline for those seeking freedom from the beige walls and soul-crushing monotony.

Dilbert’s Liberation

Enter Dilbert, the bespectacled engineer with a penchant for sarcasm. His daily struggles—navigating office politics, deciphering cryptic memos, and battling absurd bureaucracy—struck a chord. Dilbert’s creator, Scott Adams, channeled his own experiences at Pacific Bell into this comic universe. From the outside, it seemed like Dilbert had set Adams free—a cathartic escape from the cubicle matrix.

The Perpetual Process Parade

Now, let’s fast-forward to a corporate meeting. The agenda? The rollout of a shiny new process. Big companies love processes—so much so that they churn them out like factory products. These processes promise efficiency, automation, and streamlined workflows. But here’s the twist: they often end up spawning more teams and complications than they solve.

Imagine a tool designed to replace not one, not two, but four existing tools. Sounds promising, right? Well, after two years of development, it’s still a work in progress. That’s right—two years of overhead, countless meetings, and enough spreadsheets to wallpaper an office.

The Tool Tango

But wait, there’s more! This new tool isn’t a standalone miracle worker. It’s just another cog in the corporate machinery. The original four tools? They’re still in play because—brace yourself—they can’t communicate with each other. So, we juggle spreadsheets, copy-paste outputs, and manually feed data from one tool to the next. Efficient? Not exactly.

The Spreadsheet Saga

And here’s the kicker: despite all the technological advancements, the corporate world still clings to spreadsheets. Rows and columns, formulas and macros—it’s like a digital relic from the past. Why? Maybe it’s the comfort of familiarity, or perhaps it’s inertia. Either way, it’s a head-scratcher.

“Not Designed as Expected”

Finally, our lead project manager drops the bombshell. Why isn’t the new tool working seamlessly? Her answer: “Not designed as expected.” A cryptic phrase that leaves us pondering. Is it a euphemism for “we messed up,” or a veiled admission of defeat? We’ll never know, because she swiftly moves on, leaving us in spreadsheet-induced bewilderment.

The Corporate Circus Continues

So there you have it—the corporate circus, complete with acrobatic processes, spreadsheet tightropes, and cryptic PM pronouncements. As for me, I’ll keep my eye on Dilbert. After all, he’s the one who taught us that sometimes, the best way to survive the cubicle jungle is with a healthy dose of humor.

And as for that muted moment in the meeting? Well, let’s just say I’ve added “Not designed as expected” to my list of office mysteries.

Spreadsheet Odyssey

“Not designed as expected.” The cryptic words hung in the air, leaving us baffled. Imagine being in a meeting, discussing a new process that’s been brewing for two whole years. And yet, it’s still not ready. It’s like waiting for a slow-cooked stew, only to find out it’s missing the secret ingredient.

The Toolsmith’s Dilemma

Tools—they promise efficiency, automation, and streamlined workflows. But in the corporate labyrinth, they often multiply like rabbits. Each shiny new tool comes with a price tag: licensing fees, support contracts, and internal teams dedicated to its upkeep. It’s an investment, they say. But what if the return isn’t quite what we expected?

The Grand Plan

Picture this: a sprawling corporation with dreams of streamlining. Their master plan? Replace people and departments with sleek, digital solutions. It’s like a game of musical chairs, but instead of chairs, it’s cubicles. And guess who’s left standing when the music stops? Probably me because I’m stateside.

The Illusion of Liberation

They birthed the tool, polished its interface, and unveiled it with fanfare. But here’s the twist: old tools still linger. They’re like stubborn ghosts haunting the server rooms. Why? Because these tools refuse to talk to each other. It’s like hosting a party where the guests don’t mingle. So, we juggle spreadsheets, dozens of them, like circus performers.

The Spreadsheet Symphony

Ah, spreadsheets, the unsung heroes of corporate life. Rows upon rows, cells filled with numbers, formulas, and the occasional typo. They’re the duct tape that holds the company together. Need a proposal? Spreadsheet. Cost analysis? Spreadsheet. Price comparison? You guessed it—another spreadsheet. It’s like building a house with Lego bricks, but each brick has its own manual.

The Spreadsheet Whisperer

And here’s where I come in. I used to be the spreadsheet whisperer. feeding data, massaging formulas, and ensuring each beast got its proper meal. Sales needed accurate proposals. SMEs creating detailed designs. PMs demanded cost breakdowns. It was a symphony of cells and conditional formatting.

From Hero to Number

But times changed. Now, I’m just a number, #609876, a cog in the spreadsheet machinery. Management doesn’t know my name, and frankly, they don’t care. They’ve outsourced tasks to remote teams, hoping for cost savings. Little do they realize that these teams rely on me, the keeper of the spreadsheet.

The Moral of the Spreadsheet Fable

So, dear reader, next time you hear “not designed as expected,” remember this: tools are only as good as their wielders. Spreadsheets may seem mundane, but they’re the connective tissue of the corporate body. And as for me? Well, I’ll keep dancing with my spreadsheets, silently hoping that one day, they’ll learn to talk to each other.

A Symphony in Spreadsheets

“To be clear, I used to do all of the above functions, more or less, myself.”

The Rise of the Machines

But behold! The corporate landscape shifted. Tools sprouted like digital dandelions. Teams multiplied, and boxes appeared—each demanding a checkmark. It’s as if the universe conspired to complicate our lives. And so, we embraced new tools, hoping they’d weave magic. Yet, here we stand, juggling more than ever.

The Spreadsheet Sorcery

Spreadsheets—the unsung heroes of our saga. Rows and columns, formulas and macros—they held our secrets. Need a quote? Spreadsheet. Cost breakdown? Spreadsheet. Price comparison? You guessed it—another spreadsheet. We danced with these cells, our fingers flying across keyboards like maestros conducting a cosmic concerto.

The Spreadsheet Whisperer Redux

I, too, evolved. From spreadsheet whisperer to spreadsheet philosopher. I questioned the grand tapestry of tools. Why the complexity? Why the layers? Why not simplicity? And so, I shed tasks like old costumes. My wife, the planner extraordinaire, took the reins. At work, I trusted my colleagues—forgiving missed steps, dropped balls, and late arrivals.

The Lesson of the Spreadsheet Samba

Here’s the crux: innovation isn’t always progress. We chase shiny tools, assuming they’ll unlock hidden realms. But sometimes, they’re just more locks. Turbotax gathers data effortlessly, yet I still gather receipts like a squirrel hoarding nuts. And trip planning? I outline every museum, every café, forgetting the essence of relaxation.

The Art of Letting Go

So, I offloaded. My wife schedules, and I sip my coffee, content. At work, I relinquish control, knowing that trust is the glue that binds teams. And that mysterious phrase, “not designed as expected”? It’s a riddle wrapped in a spreadsheet, signifying both failure and possibility.

The Final Chorus

As you navigate your own spreadsheet ballet, remember this: time and money are currencies of life. Choose wisely. Test, iterate, but don’t fear retracing steps. Sometimes, the old path leads to new vistas. Remember to tell them #609876 sent you and they’re not alone, after all, we’re all just cells in this grand spreadsheet of existence.

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